The Life And Opinions of Andrew Rilstone

They're selling postcards of the hanging.... Killing is easy. Third and fourth fingers on your palm, first and second sticking out, poin...

The Emperor Nero has expressed regret at the manner in which a Christian was eaten by lions. "I would have like Androcles to have been ...

“What’s that so black agin’ the sun?” said Files-on-Parade. “It’s Danny fightin’ ’ard for life”, the Colour-Sergeant said. “What’s that that...

Nothing in his life Became him like the leaving it; he died As one that had been studied in his death To throw away the dearest thing he owe...

My prime of youth is but a frost of cares, My feast of joy is but a dish of pain, My crop of corn is but a field of tares, And all my good i...

Private Eye Cover: Happy Noose Year

The morning wind began to moan, But still the night went on: Through its giant loom the web of gloom Crept till each thread was spun: And, a...

'I am sorry," said Frodo , 'But I am frightened, and I do not feel any pity for Gollum ' 'You have not seen him,' G...

As one reads history, not in the expurgated editions written for school-boys and passmen, but in the original authorities of each time, one ...

I believe that a sight so inconceivably awful as the wickedness and levity of the immense crowd collected at that execution this morning cou...

The British government does not support the use of the death penalty, in Iraq or anywhere else. We advocate an end to the death penalty worl...

Really quite good fun. Bugger all to do with Doctor Who , though. (more follows)

1st Shepherd: Hayll, kyng I the call! Hayll, most of myght! Hayll, worthyst of all! Hayll, duke! Hayll, knight! Of greatt and small thou at ...

The way things are going, they're gonna crucify me. 'I suppose they tried to kill John,' says Yoko Ono in the last moments of...

Andrew, I've noticed that in the last few months you seem to have increasingly devoted your weblog to the sillier rantings of your coun...

I'm really, really sorry about this, but I think I may have caught the Daily Mail telling the truth. I've done an extensive survey ...

"I've had enough of watching scenes of schizophrenic, ego-centric, paranoiac, prima-donnas."

NOTE 1: On "Question Time" this week, man-in-the-beige-shirt explained that global warming may by caused by the imminent onset of ...

The 'Cancel Christmas' story in the December 6th Sun is a masterpiece of the genre. L ike an expert conjurer, it tells no direct ...

In the comment section attached to 'Christmas Doesn't Come Early...' we were talking about fictional characters, and whether an...