Friday, April 07, 2006

Complete text of sensational new "gospel" that will radically re-define our understanding of Christianity

Jesus: Peter will deny me in just a few hours,
Three times will deny me -- and that's not all I see:
One of you here dining, one of my twelve chosen
Will leave to betray me!

Judas: Cut out the dramatics! You know very well who.

Jesus: Why don't you go do it?

Judas: You want me to do it!

Jesus: Hurry they're waiting.

Judas: If you knew why I do it...

Jesus: I don't care why you do it.

Judas: To think I admired you! For now I despise you.

Jesus: You liar -- you Judas!

Judas: You want me to do it. What if I just stayed here and ruined your amibtion? Christ you deserve it.

Jesus: Hurry you fool, hurry and go. Save me your speeches, I don't want to know.

from the apocryphal gospel of Andrew and Timothy, Act 1, Chapter 13


subberculture said...

Oh, you are awful. I knew I had heard that interpretation before. Thanks for confirming.
When do we get the scroll about the awful accident with the Yamaha skid, genitalia and a petrol/dustbin lid?

Nick Mazonowicz said...

Apparently, the new gospel proves that Jesus did indeed "Walk like a woman" and "wear a bra"

Endie said...

Having just finished writing about this myself, I headed here, aware that you'd hardly be able to resist yourself.

Mind you, the whole Judas story just never hung together for me. Makes no sense, as told.

Robert said...

When I read about it, it reminded me of the Yezidi account of how the Prince of the Archangels became Prince of this world.

When G-d formed Adam from the dust of the earth, he commanded all the archangels to bow before them. All did except for Malak Ta'us, who told G-d (paraphrasing) "This is a creature of the dust! I will bow to nothing but You."

G-d, who had been testing his archangels, rewarded Malak Ta'us by raising him above all other angels and making him Lord of the World. So the Yezidis revere Malak Ta'us in that capacity.

Needless to say, this rather, um, unorthodox theology has resulted in accusations of devil-worship for thousands of years. American Christians who bleat about being persecuted for their faith should take note and suck it up.

Unknown said...

You win the internet, Andrew.

Andy said...

LOL. I first "discovered" Superstar when I was about 13. I attended an evangelical Lutheran church, so this idea that Judas had something other than pure evil in mind when he betrayed Christ was radical and uncomfortable for me, and yet I knew there was something to it. It brought up the question that if our salvation was accomplished by Jesus' death and resurrection, and presuming that was part of "The Plan," then was Judas likewise part of "The Plan"? And, if so, was he really to blame? Did he exercise free will in betraying the Lord, or did he simply do what he was fated to do from time immemorial? And, as Christians, aren't we compelled to forgive him anyway, no matter how horrible the crime?

I find the Judas Gospel very interesting, but I don't think it's an authentic view to Christ. I am uncomfortable with the way Jesus mocks his disciples in this text for not understanding his opaque teachings; that seems most un-Christian to me. Also, this Gospel would have Judas and Christ in collusion to deceivethe other disciples into thinking Judas had betrayed Jesus. I believe God does not always tell us the entire truth of things, but I won't accept that we are ever intentionally deceived.