12: The Return

I: The Sun

have an aversion to combining sweet and savoury flavours and in particular an aversion to combining food from the sea with food from the land

before jesus came and put a stop to it the jews were not allowed to cook a lobster in its mothers milk which is proved by the reference to fish fingers and custard in doctor who roses are redd-ish violets are blu-eish

since babylonian times school children have been given milk puddings as a dessert which they have always hated what is the matter with mary jane shes perfectly well and she hasnt a pain what a shame mary jane had a pain at the party

shakespeare said that tinned fish represented sexuality fools are as like to husbands as pilchards are to herrings the husbands the bigger

if we trouble to learn the secret language of the school-yard we will easily discern that the semolina pilchard straddles the boundary between land and sea fish and cow first course and pudding male and female nice and nasty sensible and silly this is the same as the jungian archetype of the fool which i am almost sure is in the tarot deck somewhere

so when the semolina pilchard tries to ascend the phallic axis of the world we see that true wisdom can only be achieved through the path of stupidity the eiffle tower is in paris paris makes me think of the judgement of paris which is in greek mythology somewhere

also the penguins chant hindu mantras about the dancing child who taught arjun the bhagavad gita so the penguins represents the combination of south with east black with white chocolate with cream biscuit with little coloured bits of silver foil

expert textpert choking smoker don't you see the joker laughs at you

II: The Moon

Campbell begins Hero With a Thousand Faces with a spectacularly inane passage from Freud. When a child asks where the new baby came from, his parents will sometimes say "The stork brought her".  But this isn't, it seems, where babies really come from. "We are telling the truth in symbolic clothing" says Siggy "For we know what the large bird signifies. But the child does not know it."

This, for Freud, is a bit like religion. God doesn't exist, any more than the Stork exists, but babies certainly exist and they certainly come from somewhere. God, like the Stork, "stands for" some truth. But the symbols in practice "distort" and "conceal" whatever truths they once represented. In any case, it's a bad idea to lie to children: better to dispense with the Stork metaphor altogether and tell the little darlings about erections and ejaculation and spermatozoa as soon as they are old enough to ask.

Campbell obviously likes the idea that the story of Mr Stork disguises the facts of reproduction. The purpose of Hero With a Thousand Faces is to "uncover some of the truth disguised for us under the figures of religion and mythology" – to get past the Stork of mythology and reveal the messy truth that lies behind it. But he doesn't seem to think that stork-type stories are lies that it would have been better never to have told in the first place; lies which can be thrown away once we are ready for the truth. He rather thinks that we ought to reverently and respectfully study the Stork so that eventually the big secret will reveal itself to us.

But it won't. There is no possible way that any amount of study of the Stork could possibly tell us what really happens in the maternity ward even if we swallow the idea that the Bird represents Mummy's Belly and that dropping the baby down the chimney represents the newborn's passage through the vagina which I assume we don't. Everyone but Freud – including the very small child who originally asked where his sister came from – understands that "The stork brought you" isn't a symbol, or a lie, or a myth or even a euphemism, but a polite refusal to answer the question, a form of words which means "I'm not going to tell you yet", like when you asked Granny how old she was and she replied "As old as my tongue, and a little bit older than my teeth."

The Stork is, in fact, a social construct in which a group of people in a particular society at a particular time agree that the bird will represent childbirth. Watch the opening minutes of Dumbo; look at the behaviour of storks in real life; do an art history analysis of twee Christening cards; compare stork-stories in America with stork-stories in the African basin. You will never discover the Truth about how babies are made. Because it just isn't there.

Your Sunday School teacher probably told you that Jesus preached in parables to enable his audience to understand him. In fact, he specifically said that he preached in parables to prevent his audience from understanding him.

In Mr William Wordsworth's poem Anecdote for Fathers, the narrator repeatedly asks a child why he prefers his new house to his old one. The child, who doesn't know, eventually claims that he likes the new house because it has a weather-cock and the old one didn't. In Mr Jim Henson's television show Sesame Street a character named Big Bird tried to understand why the old storekeeper (who has, in fact, died) will never come back, and is told by one of the adult characters "It has to be this way because."

Weather cocks, storks, giant yellow budgies: clearly large birds always represent unanswerable questions.




continues
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11: Resurrection

Campbell was not the first person to think that if you read lots of different stories, you'd find that some of them had things in common. We've seen that that James Frazer and his fans thought that all stories came out as "we plant the seed, nature grows the seed, we harvest the seed" and Freud thought that all stories came down to "there once lived a man named Oedipus Rex who loved his mother". Other examples could be tracked down. Vladimir Propp proved to his own satisfaction that all Russian folktales (and presumably all folktales) could be expressed as a (rather complicated) set of equations and formulae. Lord Raglan noted that nearly all mythic heroes have a disconcerting tendency to be

a: the children of gods or other superheroes

b: orphans

c: survivors of a massacre

d: raised by common folk in ignorance of their true nature

e: obliged to fight the person who killed their parents

f: given a special weapon, connected with their parents in some way

g: a dab-hand at Quidditch. (I made that one up, as the fellow said.)

But Campbell and his followers are not content with the observation that stories which conform to "the monomyth" occur in many different cultures. They think that this really, really matters, because Mythology is telling us something that we really, really need to hear.

Vogler says of hero myths:

"They deal with the child-like but universal questions: Who am I? Where did I come from? Where will I go when I die? What is good and what is evil? What must I do about it? What will tomorrow be like? Where did yesterday go? Is there anybody else out there?"

I am not quite certain whether Vogler thinks that there is a special category of things called Hero Myths which will answer all these deep questions, or whether he thinks that this is true of stories in general (including comic strips and dirty jokes).

Campbell says that his purpose in writing Hero With a Thousand faces is to "uncover some of the truth disguised for us under the figures of religion and mythology". He goes on:

The old teachers knew what they were saying. Once we have learned to read again their symbolic language it require no more than the talent of an anthologist to let their teaching be heard. But first we must learn the grammar of the symbols, and as a key to this mystery I know of no better tool than psychoanalysis.

For Campbell, it seems that hero-myths are really about – wait for it – Life. They are, in particular, about Growing Up and learning what it is to be a Man or, if you absolutely insist, a Woman. In Hero With a Thousand Faces, this is conceived of in classically Freudian terms.

One of the things which might occur during the heroic round is "Atonement with the Father." (Atonement with ther father: not "atonement with you father" or even "reconciliation with your father". Onement was the ordinary Middle English word for "unity" [BLUFF] but the word is now only used in a religious context: to refer to the Crucifixion of Jesus, or Yon Kippur.) Campbell begins his discussion with a lot of blood-curdling quotes from Christian preachers about how God is really very cross indeed and is going to make you sit on the naughty step for eternity if you don't come down and play nicely. He notes that, in most mythologies, there is some magic way of escaping from the wrath of the angry god (or God) whether we're talking the Blood of Christ or Sir Gawain's magic girdle of invulnerability.

For the ogre aspect of the father is a reflex of the victim's own ego – derived from the sensational nursery scene that has been lift behind, but projected before; and the fixating idolatry of that pedagogical non-thing is itself the fault that keeps one steeped in a sense of sin, sealing the potentially adult spirit from a better, balance more realistic view of the father, and therewith the world.

For Campbell, the idea that God is going to send us to Hell (or that the Green Knight is going to chop our head off) "really means" that we remember what it was like to be scared of Daddy. "Sinners will be sent to the place of wailing and gnashing of teeth" means "We remember how horrid it was when Daddy gave us a smack on the bottom" or "We remember how desolate we felt when Daddy seemed to come between us and Mummy."

When you are a Baby, nothing exists but Mummy, and in particular, Mummy's breast. Ergo, the Garden of Eden and the Old Republic both "really mean "your memory of what it was like to be a baby, which was the only time in your life when your were perfectly content." This is why "Mummy" and "The Universe" are pretty much interchangeable in mythology: because we remember a time when there was nothing but Mummy. It's also why Paradises (and, indeed, Universes) often contain sucky things that provide endless, magical sources of nourishment. The Holy Grail and the Tree of Life are both equally symbols of Mummy's nipple.

The symbolism appears to work in the other direction as well: breast-feeding represents the mystery of the Holy Grail. I wish I had been in a punk band so I could have called it Pedagogical Non-Thing.

But then, of course, you also have memories of resenting and hating Mummy, because there were times when she wasn't feeding you; indeed, there were times when you lay in your cot and yelled but she didn't come and you hated her for not coming, until she came, and you loved her again. So you probably have an image of a Nasty Mummy in your head alongside your image of Nice Mummy, which is why mythologies are so full Wicked Stepmothers and Fairy Godmothers; of Virgins and Magdalenes, Eves and Liliths. And the only way for you to get back to Mummy, once she has stopped suckling you and gone off with Daddy is for you to become Daddy. And the only way you can become Daddy is by growing up. So life is all about leaving paradise (Mummy's booby) and turning from a child (who can't marry Mummy) into a man (who can). Of course you don't really marry Mummy: but a pretty lady who represents your Mummy; and you don't really become your own Daddy but someone else's Daddy, so the whole ghastly business can start again. Get out as quickly as you can, and don't have any kids yourself.

This hyper-Freudian bullshit is really is, it seems to me, what Campbell thinks lies behind all mythologies. Jesus dying on the Cross; Gawain surviving his encounter with the Green Knight; and Luke Skywalker taking off Darth Vader's mask all "really mean" "You can let go of those scary picture of Dad that you've been carrying around since you were baby. And until you've done that, you can't stop being a child and become a Daddy yourself."

This is why "the traditional idea of initiation combines an introduction of the candidate into the techniques, duties and prerogatives of his vocation with a radical adjustment of his emotional relationship to the parental images" : to be properly grown up, it isn't enough to know what's expected of you as a soldier, hunter or chartered accountant: you also have to cut the apron strings and stop thinking of yourself as Mummy's little boy. Campbell gives many blood-curdling examples of traditional "initiations", and gives Freudian explanations of the symbolism of the "cutting the apron strings" bit. Young native Australians had to play a a terrifying role-playing game in which the adult men pretended to be the "great father snake" who eats little boys and the adult women pretend to fight the snake and cry because their sons were going to be eaten. In the end the snake monster is satisfied with just eating the boy's foreskin: the ceremony ends with the boy really being circumcised. "The culminating instruction of the long series of rites is the release of the boys own hero-penis from the protections of its foreskin, through the frightening and painful attack upon it of the circumciser." Campbell thinks that the reason that these ceremonies are "mysteries" is that the child mustn't know what is going to happen: he really does believe he's going to be eaten by a snake, and that artificial trauma effects his personality and makes a man of him. No, I don't know at what point the "penis" turned into the hero of the story, rather than just metaphor for the sword that the hero was carrying, either.

It is not surprising that, given his essentialist view of symbolism, Campbell has an essentialist view of human nature. If cups and spears and shadows have one, and only one, correct and true meaning regardless of which mythology you find them in, so there is one, and only one, correct and true role which sons and daughters and mothers and fathers and old people ought to play, regardless of which culture they live in. The idea that there should be a rite of passage which sharply distinguishes childhood from adolescence – a moment where the childish part of you is literally (i.e metaphorically) put to death – is not, for Campbell, something which works in particular contexts for particular cultures, but a universally correct way of doing thinks in any culture. Horrid modern society has gone wrong because we've stopped making slits in boys willies and biting their foreskins off. We've gone wrong because we no longer think that boys are boys and girls are girls and Daddies hunt the tricerotops while Mummies stay home and weave the baskets. In the course of Mythos (the TV show) Campbell explicitly bemoans the fact that there are fewer and fewer all male clubs nowadays. I suppose there's no reason why you can't be a visionary and an old fogey at the same time.

The idea that modern males have infantilized themselves – that men in their thirties and forties still watch Doctor Who, listen to rock and roll (as I believe the young people call it) and generally fail to take proper responsibility for their lives – is one that even people with little or no interest in the genitalia of Aborigines would be prepared to contemplate. The idea that it is natural for the child-bearers to be the primary child-rearers -- that there comes a time when you should stop playing football and start winning bread; that families need fathers – is not self-evidently false. But how many of the script writers and games designers who sit and worship at the feet of Vogler believe that this rather reactionary message is what All Stories In the World are telling them?

There is something to be said for the the idea that the happy society is the one where the you have a role, regardless of what stage your life your are at. Maybe we could usefully treat the Hero story as a template for the good life. When you are old, you are not a has-been -- you are more like the hero who has finished his quest, learned The Thing, and must now share it with his Tribe. You've had your turn at playing Luke Skywalker and can now have a go being Obi-Wan Kenobi.

But let's suppose that this is right: let's suppose that modern man (and, if you insist, Woman) has been, and I use the term in its technical sense, fucked up because he hasn't had an initiation rite, hasn't left is childhood behind, is still yearning after Mummy's breast and is still terrified that Daddy will spank his bottom and chop off his willy. And let's suppose that this is what all hero myths (or if you follow Vogler, all stories of any kind) are telling us. What follows from this? What should we do about it?

Campbell's laughs at the idea that we could return to our old primitive religions; and is just plain irritated with anyone who thinks that they can carry on being a Jew or a Catholic in the modern world. (There is a rather distasteful scene in Mythos where he mocks a Christian member of the audience on the grounds that if the story of the Ascension is true and Jesus is limited to the speed of light then far from being in Heaven, He hasn't even reached the edge of the galaxy yet: a non sequitur of Dawkinsian proportions.) He doesn't seem to be advocating the invention of new religions with new ceremonies or even that the return of national service and corporal punishment would make men out these boys pretty damn quick. He seems to think that what Freudian psychoanalysis does is allow you to re-learn the roles that you should have been taught when you were growing up – learning how to be separate from Mummy, learning that you don't need to afraid of Daddy, learning that you are now a Man (or, if you insist, Woman) and can leave your parents behind.

At some points, he seems to be saying that Hero Myths are simply rather oblique and complicated ways of advising you to book a session with your local Freudian counselling practice. Reading Gilgamesh enables us to understand that we are not properly grown up, and that we need to spend a little time on the couch free associating and talking about our dreams. At other times, he seems to be saying that because these stories describe, in symbolic terms, the Journey from Childhood to Adulthood merely reading them will recapitulate the life stages that you would have gone through if you'd been a happy aborigine. You don't need prayer, meditation or psychoanalysis to heal your life. A sufficiently intense reading of Moby Dick will do the trick.

One can see why professional screen writers would be attracted to a theory that seems to say that some stories (or, if we go with Vogler, all stories) have an intrinsic, magical, life-saving power. But the end result is a massive paradox. My culture doesn't practice Bar Mitzvah, and I'm stuck as a kiddult. But the solution, it appears, is to go and watch Star Wars one more time.

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10: The Road Back

"The hero sets out on a journey. Stuff happens to him on the way. Then he comes home again." It wouldn't be very surprising if nearly every story on earth fitted into that pattern. The real challenge would be to come up with one that didn't.

Sam Gamgee spotted that it's a no-brainer that all stories begin with heroes setting out, because the people who stay at home don't get stories written about them. Dr Watson made a similar point: Sherlock Holmes always solves the case because the cases he couldn't solve don't get written up as case histories.

So, is anything not a monomyth?

Campbell's monomyth ends with the hero returning home and bringing something back with him. This "boon" is an object – the Holy Grail, the Golden Goose, the plans of the Death Star – but it represents something which has happened inside the Hero. He has been changed by his adventure. Travel broadens the mind. It follows, then, that any story in which the hero, after many struggles, reaches a destination and stays there is not a monomyth. This is not necessarily a problem for Campbell whose claim is that examples of the monomyth can be found in many cultures. But it is is huge problem for Vogler, who thinks that monomyths are the only show in town.

The Pilgrim's Progress comes instantly to mind. You can't have anything much less cyclical than a one-way journey from Earth to Heaven. And Pilgrim's Progress is a central text among, in particular, American protestant Christians, who are highly committed to a myth in which the Pilgrim Fathers left their corrupt, European homeland and travelled, through many dangers, to the New World, where they created a utopian society, albeit one with rather more talking-wires than the original inhabitants found to their taste. Some of their descendants told cowboy stories, in which the hero, or indeed, Hero, is engaged in an obstinately linear journey to the West. He comes into town, fixes everybody's troubles, and rides off into the sunset. No monomyth in sight.

If Vogler is right, then Pilgrim's Progress would be better – more magical, more universal, more psychologically true – if Christian had, after a brief stopover in the Heavenly City, retraced his steps and brought the good news back to Christiana. Similar, the legend of the Pilgrim Fathers would be more inspirational if it ended with them taking a cargo of turkeys and cranberries back to Old England. And, of course, the story which inspired both Bunyan and the Pilgrim Fathers would have been hugely improved if, after crossing the Jordan, the Chosen People had returned to Egypt with an infinite supply of milk and honey.

You could, I suppose, say that all these stories are really cyclical: that straight lines are symbols for circles, though not, presumably, vice versa. Staying in America is a metaphor for going back to England. Or you could say that Moses led the children of Israel out of Egypt, but only because Joseph had taken them there in the first place: the Exodus is the "going home" bit of a monomyth with Israel as its hero. Or else the whole Bible is a gurt big monomyth about how Adam left the garden with an apple in his hand until one greater man restored him and regained the blissful seat. In any long story, you can find instances of people leaving places and going back again. But one wonders if Campbell's antipathy to the Jewish God is related to the lack of cyclical stories in the Old Testament?

When I did literary theory at college, it was a truism that stories in which someone set forth to achieve something – stories which rushed headlong to a dramatic conclusion – were Male (and therefore bad). Stories which reached no final conclusion, which described a state of being, which cycled back to the beginning and achieved multiple climaxes were Female (and therefore good). The cleverer students, the ones with berets, went so far as to claim that the whole idea of stories – in fact the whole idea of writing in sentences -- was dangerously "phallocentric". But one does take the point that boys' stories like Moby Dick have beginnings, middles and ends in a way that girls' stories like Middlemarch really don't. The soap opera, which is all middle, is the female narrative form par excellence. You would search in vein for a monomyth in Coronation Street.

And so we come back to that damn movie. Luke Skywalker certainly sets out from his homestead; certainly has a fight with a Sandperson, certainly meets an old man who certainly gives him a weapon. He certainly rescues Princess Leia from death row on the Death Star and you could say without sounding too silly that that had something to do with death – the nadir of the mythological round. (Threepio thinks that Luke has been crushed to death in the garbage crusher, and we could even say that the the thing with the eyestalk which almost eats him is sorta kinda like Jonah and the whale.) But although he wins all sorts of "boons" – a girlfriend, secret plans, knowledge of the Force – he doesn't return home with them. It's very much a one way journey from Tatooine to Yavin, from hopeless, whining teenaged Luke to grown-up hero Luke in his soldier suit. Would Star Wars have been greatly improved if the movie had ended with his triumphant return to Tatooine? Is Return of the Jedi a better movie because it includes a clear cyclical movement, from the Forest Moon, to the Death Star, and back to the Forest Moon having Atoned With the Father? (You might think that Return of the Jedi is, in fact, a better movie, but is that why?)

Here is Campbell describing the beginning of the hero's journey:

"Having traversed the threshold, the hero moves in a dream landscape of curiously fluid, ambiguous forces, where he must survive a succession of trials."

Now, it's a no-brainer that once the hero has set off on his adventures, Stuff is going to happen to him, and that in an heroic story, that Stuff is going to involve physical trials. But "dream landscape"? "Fluid"? "Ambiguous"? Are we to say that Star Wars is definitely not Campbellian because the trials which Luke undergoes are, let me see, a fight with some desert dwelling savages, an encounter with the local police, a brawl in a bar, an attack by some enemy space craft....all very concrete and unambigious. Or do we have to say that the Cantina scene would have been better if it had been more like that bit in Empire Strikes Back where Luke encounters an hallucinatory Darth Vader in Yoda's Cave? Sir Gawain's journey from Camelot to the Green Chapel takes him through landscape which is described in geographically specific terms, and his main trial is a comedy-of-manners in a castle built in an architectural style that people who know about these things can identify. Moby Dick is full of factual, concrete, un-ambigious data about fishing. Do we have to say that none of these are monomyths (and therefore, none of them speak to us with universal message type thingies) because the landscape the hero moves through isn't fluid, ambiguous or dreamlike?

I don't think that Campbell's structure, and even Vogler's, is devoid of value. A story in which a character is born with great personal talents and aptitudes and very willingly goes out to confront an enemy with weapons he already owns is, I concur, less appealing than one in which a character with few talents reluctantly sets out to confront an enemy, and is given a special weapon along the way. It is artistically satisfying for Luke Skywalker to get his lightsaber after he has had the fight with the Sandperson; it would have been vulgar if someone had thrust it into his hand when he first set out into the desert. But only if we claim that "up" is sometimes a symbol of "down" can we make every satisfying narrative fit into Campbell's structure.

But I submit that the people who see in Hero With a Thousand Faces the Secret Key To All Stories are responding (as I did) to the title and the diagram. And maybe not even to the actual diagram in the actual book but to the idea that such a diagram exists. And I submit that many of those who use the diagram, or the idea of the diagram, as an amulet which guarantees that Writers are most important people in the world would be rather shocked if they knew what Campbell thinks the Diagram really, really means.

continues

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9: Reward

On Page 212 of Hero With a Thousand Faces comes The Diagram which me and George found so exciting. The Hero sets out; he crosses the threshold of adventure; he experiences some kind of crisis; he returns home with some kind of reward. It isn't too hard to spot this pattern in the lives of Luke Skywalker, Barack Obama, King Arthur and other people of that kind.

Campbell claims that the structure is "universal": by which, I think, he means no more than "examples of stories with this structure can be found all over the world". His followers, however, have made a much grander claim: they say that all stories follow this structure; that this diagram represents the only story that there can possibly be.

Christopher Vogler's the Writer's Journey uses Hero With a Thousand Faces as a template for Hollywood scriptwriting and has been taken seriously by a lot of people who should know better. He writes:

In his study of world hero myths Campbell discovered that they are all basically the same story – retold endlessly in infinite variations. He found that all story-telling, consciously or not, follows the ancient patterns of myth, and that all stories, from the crudest jokes [*] to the highest flights of literature, can be understood in terms of the hero myth; the "monomyth" whose principles he lays out in the book.

Well. If we define "hero myth" as "story which conforms to the pattern proposed by Campbell" then it is trivially true that all hero myths conform to Campbell's pattern. (If you reserve the word "science fiction" for stories which are based on accurate science, then it is a no-brainer that all science fiction is scientifically accurate.) But Vogler goes much further. Not only do all hero-myths conform to one structure, but all stories are hero myths. In the hands of his more wooly-minded followers, Campbell's theory undergoes a further metamorphosis. "Stories with this structure occur in all cultures" becomes "All stories have this structure" which in turn becomes "All stories ought to have this structure". Campbell's observation becomes an imperative.

Question: Is "All hero myths have the same structure" synonymous with "All hero myths are basically the same story"?

The diagram in Hero With a Thousand Faces is a circle containing only 4 points. Point 1 is where the Hero sets out from and return to: the other three points contain a total of 17 things which might happen to him along the way. They represent different versions of the Hero's journey. When the hero sets out he might fight a dragon, or his brother, or some other opponent who guards the doorway between the normal world and the world where the adventure happens. He might defeat it or he might charm it. On the other hand, he might literally die or be swallowed by a whale, in which case the adventure might happen in the afterlife. In some stories, the hero is given the opportunity to go on a quest, but refuses it, in which case (of course) the story ends there. At the "nadir of the mythological round" the hero might marry a special bride; on the other hand, he might be acknowledged by his father, or by a father figure; someone might give him a magic "elixir" or he might steal it. On the way back he might be chased by hostile forces (if he stole the treasure) or be accompanied by friendly ones (if he was given it as a gift).

Vogler's version, on the other hand, has 12 points: the ordinary world, the call to adventure, the refusal of the call, the meeting with mentor... a fixed sequence rather than a series of possibilities. Vogler admits that he has changed Campbell's pattern (in order to make it more relevant to the contemporary world in general and movie making in particular – which rather undermines it's claim to being universal). He also says that when using it to create your comic book or dirty joke, you shouldn't stick to it too closely. But it is very striking how proscriptive Vogler is compared with Campbell.

Campbell: The mythological hero, setting forth from his commonday hut or castle, is lured, carried way, or else voluntarily proceeds to the threshold of adventure. There he encounters a shadow presence which guards the passage....

Vogler: The hero is introduced in his ORDINARY WORLD where he receives the CALL TO ADVENTURE. He is RELUCTANT at first to CROSS THE FIRST THRESHOLD where he eventually encounters TESTS, ALLIES and ENEMIES

Another version of the diagram currently resides on Wikipedia. There, Campbell's structure has morphed into an eight point diagram, a sequence of events which happen in "all" stories. Where Campbell has "crucifixion" and "dismemberment" as two of the things which might occur at the threshold of adventure, Wikipedia has "death and rebirth" as the only options for the bottom of the cycle (where Campbell has "apotheosis" or "elixir theft"). But all are agreed that because this story is universal:

stories built on the model of the hero myth have an appeal that can be felt by everyone, because they spring from a universal source in the collective unconscious, and because they reflect universal concerns.

Vogler goes so far as to talk about the story's intrinsic "magic" and asserts:

If you want to understand the ideas behind the hero myth, there’s no substitute for actually reading Campbell’s book. It’s an experience that has a way of changing people. It’s also a good idea to read a lot of myths, but it amounts to the same thing since Campbell is a master story-teller who delights in illustrating his points with examples from the rich storehouse of mythology.

Never mind spending 40 days in the wilderness or meditating 'neath a tumtum tree. Don't even bother studying the Talmud or going on a weekend retreat with the Alpha Course. Merely reading Hero With a Thousand Faces is enough to change your life.

It's a little like one of those Calvinists trying really, really hard to save your soul you because it has already been predestined that your soul is going to be saved; or a Marxist struggling towards the Revolution because the Revolution is historically inevitable. You've got to try really, really, really hard to make your story fit Campbell's narrative structure, because all stories, from high flown myths to dirty jokes, fit in with that structure, whether the storyteller means them to or not.

[*]

The Ordinary World: "A man walks into a bar."

The Call to Adventure "He notices that the man who is tinkling away on the piano is only about a foot tall."

Refusal of the Call: "He asks the barman why piano player is so short. The barman says he will tell him in a moment..."

Meeting the Mentor: "....But first, says the barman, he must rub a Magic Bottle which is kept behind the bar for first time guests."

Crossing the Threshold: "The man rubs the bottle as he was told"

Tests, Allies and Enemies: "And, lo and behold, a magic geni appears."

The Approach: " 'Since you have never been to this bar before, I shall grant you one wish!' says the geni."

Ordeal, Death and Rebirth: "The man thinks very hard, and says 'I'd like a million bucks.' "

Reward: "The geni says some magic words, and lo and behold, a million ducks fly into the bar, and starting quacking furiously."

The Road Back: "The man is disappointed."

Resurrection: " 'No, not ducks!' he says 'I wanted a million bucks -- a million dollars.'"

Return with the elixir: " 'Yeah' says the barman sadly. 'And do you think I wanted a twelve inch pianist?' "

continues

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8: Ordeal

Douglas Adams' notion that the process of using astrology may be valuable, even if astrology itself is bunkum, is an attractive one.

He puts the theory into the mouth of a dippy astrologer in one of his least funny books, but he makes much the same point in his own voice in "Is there an artificial god?" one of the essays he wrote after he died. In the latter piece he argued that Feng Shui, although based around notions about the flow of "chi" and invisible dragons, may nevertheless be a good way of answering the question "How do we make buildings which are pleasant to live in?" He thinks that energy and dragons may be tools of thought which enable us to get our heads round difficult, multi-dimensional ideas. He wonders if "God" may fall into the same category: not true, exactly, but a valid tool of thought for some people at some times. (It is not recorded if he remained on speaking terms with Richard Dawkins after giving this lecture.)

Mr Phillip Pullman, similarly, suggests that Adam and Eve may be analogous to imaginary numbers like the square root of minus one. No such number can possibly exist, but using that non-existent number can enable you to solve complex geometrical problems with practical applications in engineering.

If you ask a skeptic what Astrology is, he'll probably say that it's a means of predicting the future, but that it doesn't work. Or else he'll say that it's a theory which ties people's personality to the date and time of their birth, but that it certainly doesn't work. He may even say that it's a complex religious system in which the whole of the universe can be mapped onto a human individual ("as above, so below") but that it quite definitely doesn't work.

But this simply isn't true.

We've all got friends who use Astrology, and this isn't what they believe. Five minute of observation would have told us that Astrology was, in practice, a social ritual. Young people play Astrology because "What Star Sign are you?" is a good way of starting a conversation with a stranger at a party: by the time you've observed whether the stranger is a typical or atypical Libran (or, if you are advanced student, whether that pesky line up between Mars and Neptune has caused any health scares for Sagittarians this week) there's a very good chance that you've found something more worthwhile to talk about. Older people play Astrology because reading out newspaper horoscopes is an amusing way to pass the time during your ten minute coffee break. It's funny when they are spectacularly wrong, and it's a good conversation starter when they are coincidentally right. ("It says that people born under the sign of the Crab are going to go on a long journey – and come to think of it, Chippenham is a fair distance away." "You didn't tell me you were going to Chippenham...")

I'm not saying that the people who play Astrology think Astrology definitely doesn't work. They don't think that it definitely does work; but the game would be no fun if they didn't think that it might work. But hardly any of them believe in predestination, astronomical determinism, macrocosm and microcosm.

I'm assuming here that Astrology has no intrinsic value. In fact, I am literally agnostic, in the sense of having no knowledge, on this point. It might be that the personality types represented by the 12 signs cleverly represent 12 kinds of people – that they are "archetypes". It might be that picking a set of personality traits more or less at random and then comparing yourself with them encourages you to notice things about yourself or your friends which you would not otherwise have spotted. ("This random character generation system says that people who share my birthday are likely to be physical cowards – and come to think of it, I really didn't want to go on the roller-coaster at the theme park last weekend.") It might be that the system contains real insights about whether people who are "strongly rooted and often think of the past, holding onto momentos and thinking about childhood" [*] are likely to get on with those who are "rather stoic, enjoy power respect and authority, but are willing to toe the line for as long as it takes to achieve their goals". It might even be that people born in July really are are more likely to be nostalgic for childhood than those born in December, say because the latter never got to go for picnics on their birthdays.

The only thing I'm almost certain of is that the position of the planets on your birthday doesn't have a deterministic influence on the rest of your life.

A few thousand pages ago, I mocked my brief under-graduate flirtation with Sigmund Freud. And I do indeed cringe when I think of essays in which I said things like "Othello's handkerchief now vanishes from the play, since when The Whore has the Phallus there can be no Phallus." And I understand that the whole psychoanalysis thing is rather undermined because, like Astrology, it Doesn't Work. On the other hand, I think that our Anglo-Saxon reticence about bottoms and lavatories makes it slightly too easy to disregard Freud simply because he keeps using the word "penis" (or, indeed, "widdler"). If people notice Sigmund sitting on my shelf, they are apt to titter "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar" as if that closes the matter. I don't think it does. I think sex probably is quite important for many people, and I think that guys do spend quite a lot of time thinking about their cocks.

More importantly, I think that the process of looking for Freudian symbols in the works of Shakespeare caused me to notice things in the plays which I might not otherwise have spotted. I think reading and "having belief feelings" about Freud broke me out of the bad A Level habit of treating texts as repositories of raw material for "character studies". My A Level teacher wanted me to treat Othello and Iago as if they were realistic human beings, which they plainly aren't. Sigmund encouraged me to look at the play as a collection of patterns, symbols, structures -- a thing which someone constructed. It is true that Othello's handkerchief passes through the hands of all the female characters in the play. It is true that he goes from regarding Desdemona as perfect in every way to being physically disgusted with her at the exact moment when she loses the magic handkerchief. This does feel a little like a little boy who starts out thinking that all women are wonderful and perfect and just like Mum, and then starts to think that all women are disgusting and stinky and sluts; Freud does think that this happens at the exact moment when he (the little boy) spots that ladies don't have willies, or indeed widdlers. Ergo, Othello's Mummy's hanky is a phallic symbol.

Did Shakespeare have this in mind when he wrote Othello? No. Did it lead me on to notice some interesting things about the structure of the play? Very probably. Would I have started thinking about patterns and structures in plays if I hadn't embarked on the Quest for the Holy Phallus? Probably not. Might I have noticed other, equally interesting, things if I had been trying to work out if Iago was a Capricorn or a Sagittarius? Or the point in the play when he returns from the underworld with the "boon" or "elixir"? Do Freudian analysts gain valid insights into their patients problems while trying to spot the Phallic Symbol in last nights dream? What would Alan Moore have to say about any of this?

You don't need to be a Freudian to think that swords, guns, spears, lances – and probably swagger sticks and canes and truncheons and motorcars and space rockets and rottweilers (to say nothing of lightsabers and wands and sonic screwdrivers) – are "male" symbols; partly because they are willy-shaped, but mostly because they are symbols of strength and you can hit things with then, and because, all things being equal, men are stronger than women and more interested in careers which involve hitting things with sticks. But it seems a big jump from that to saying that if you read enough stories in which male characters have big hitty-sticks, you can start to infer a picture language in which "hitty sticks" have a meaning which was obscure to the people who originally told the story and the people who originally listened to the story, but which we Freudians, Frazerians and Campbellians have miraculously decoded.

[*] A characteristic of Cancers, apparently, but one that obviously doesn't fit me very well at all.

continues

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